Your Heart Will Remember
by NeverLookBack756
Summary: It's Christmas Eve at Alice Academy, and while Natsume wants to sit in his room as far away from the festivities as possible, Tsubasa has one last gift to give him. Canon Divergence for ch. 177. Natsume x Mikan.


The Christmas season sucked. It sucked right from the first day of December to those few lingering days of January when people refused to toss their rotting trees for good. There was no reason to coerce an entire planet into "good tidings and cheer" just for the sake of a holiday endorsed by consumerists. Natsume was fairly certain Christmas Eve in particular was meant to punish all those who couldn't see their family and loved ones by rubbing the endless tinsel and stringed lights right in their faces. So he did what he did whenever he hated something. **  
**

He boycotted it.

In fact, he went to great lengths not to participate. He tried not to be an asshole about it- because if Luca and his other friends enjoyed it, who was he to piss on it? - but he did try to make it fairly clear that the night of the Christmas Ball, he did not want to be disturbed. His friends, wonderful as they were, were told to allow him a silent evening in his own room holiday-free. He didn't want any presents, any cards, anything remotely festive.

They were disappointed, but they understood. All except Tsubasa, he supposed, who had broken and entered into Natsume's room without so much as a knock on the door. Whoever taught him to lockpick needed to have their decision making skills reexamined.

"How much longer are you planning on sulking?" the shadow alice asked, breaking Natsume's well-maintained silence.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got in," Natsume replied, eyes still glued to the manga he was reading. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see the silhouette of Tsubasa leaning against the doorframe. The shadow user was dressed for the ball. His usually unkempt hair was still locked in a vaguely classy fashion, and his clothes were still perfectly ironed: sure signs that he hadn't made it to the party yet. Otherwise, he'd probably be a sweaty mess.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm here?"

"I'm pretty sure I can figure out why you're here," Natsume sighed, closing his book and placing it on the bed beside him. "You're here to give me one of your heartwarming speeches about how it's Christmas and if Mikan were here, she'd want me to go enjoy myself at the party. But I'm just not up for it tonight, so you can save your-"

"That's actually not why I'm here," Tsubasa argued, eyes narrowed. "Though, I hate to admit that it is a pretty good judge of my usual character."

"Then why are you here?"

"To give you your present."

Natsume frowned. Unless Tsubasa was carrying something in his pockets, he didn't seem to have anything to give him. Besides, Natsume had told everyone a hundred times that he didn't want anything.

"Look, I know what you said about presents, but I've had this idea for a while and I finally managed to get Nodacchi on board. Besides, it's the sort of thing that if I kept it from you longer than I had to, you'd roast me."

Natsume crossed his arms. He couldn't help but feel uneasy under Tsubasa's confident smirk.

"Come on, Hyuuga, you've trusted me before. You can do it again."

"Fine," Natsume stated reluctantly. "What have you brought me?"

Tsubasa stepped into the room and started walking toward Natsume, who swung his legs so that he was now sitting on the edge of the mattress. Tsubasa yanked the chair from Natsume's desk, swung it around backwards so he could straddle it.

"It's not what I've brought you, it's _where_ and _when_ I'm going to bring you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've got a bit of my time travel alice left. I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of it, because it's not the type of alice I want to hold onto, you know?" Tsubasa explained.

"Get to the point," Natsume said. He watched as Tsubasa took a hand from his pocket, closed his eyes, and clenched his hand. When he opened his palm, a pea-sized, blue colored stone sat in the middle. He held it out to Natsume, who accepted the cold crystal into his own grasp.

"I thought to myself, what would I go back in time to see? But really, I've seen everything I've needed to. And then you came to mind, Natsume, because I think there are a few things that you missed out on. Somebody you didn't get a proper goodbye with."

Natsume stared down in awe at the stone, then shot his eyes back up to his friend. He was quiet for a moment, unsure if he should accept the present, or if he should heed the warning from his intuition that said this was too good to be true.

"That would ruin the time continuum," he said finally, reaching out to hand the stone back. Tsubasa nudged his hand away.

"Not if you're careful. If you've got the alice inside you, time will let you through to wherever and whenever you want to be. It's how Nodacchi has seen most of history and the universe hasn't imploded. The real trick is making sure you pick a time and a place that won't influence the future. Lucky for you, I've done all the hard work already."

"Oh yeah?"

"The day of Mikan's graduation, just as she's about to leave her room for the last time. Everyone was gone from the dorms because they were outside waiting for her. And it won't influence the future because, well…they erase her memories a few minutes later anyways."

"You really thought this through, didn't you?"

Tsubasa shrugged. "I didn't want to give it to you only to have it put you in danger. Besides, you wouldn't have known when the right time to visit was anyways because you weren't there that day."

"What happens if I run out of the alice and can't get home?"

"You won't."

"Tsubasa…" Natsume warned.

"You _won't_ , I promise."

Natsume rolled the alice stone around in his hand for a few seconds, his mind feeling a bit numb. He'd spent the entire month dreading this day, not looking forward to the constant reminders of how dreary this Christmas would be spent without the one person he wanted to see. Then Tsubasa had shown up at his door and put a miracle in his hand like it was nothing.

Natsume didn't believe in christmas magic, but this was pretty damn close. Maybe he could still be convinced.

"Okay," he decided quietly.

"Really?" Tsubasa said hopefully.

"What? Did you really think I would pass up a chance to see Mikan?"

"I had my doubts there for a second," Tsubasa chuckled with a shrug.

Natsume closed his fingers around the alice stone, and let his eyes fall closed. It was effortless, picturing Mikan's chestnut hair with those golden, auburn streaks and the smile that seemed to reach every inch of her face, glimmering sunlight in her eyes. An ache clutched his heart, throbbing his nerves as he felt the need to see her become overwhelming.

When he opened his hand again, the stone was gone, and he felt a new power thrumming in his veins just begging to be unleashed. It was faint, much weaker than the power he once felt from his fire alice, but it was still there.

"How do you feel?" Tsubasa asked cautiously, eyeing the way Natsume stared down at himself in amazement.

"A bit like I'm going to be sick."

"Get it out now so you don't throw up all over your fiance," Tsubasa laughed. He waited with an encouraging smile on his face, probably relishing in the genuine flash of elation in the fire alice's red eyes. "I'll stay here to make sure you get back alright, otherwise, I'll send Noda."

"You really think this is going to work?" Natsume asked. He felt his hands begin to shake, his fingertips itching to reach, touch, release the pent up power.

"There's only one way to find out," Tsubasa urged. "Now remember: Mikan's graduation day just before she leaves her room."

Natsume rose to his feet, paced a few feet away to where the chilly winter breeze swept in through his cracked window, and closed his eyes. With a gentle inhale, he imagined her flowery, fruity scent and the sound of her laughter. Then, repeating _the day of her graduation, before I came back, just before she leaves her room_ over and over again, Natsume let the power of the alice stone sweep him away.

For once, the hallway was empty. With her suitcase clutched in her hands, Mikan peered into the dorm corridor, listening for any sound of her friends nearby. Instead, she was left alone with the silence.

 _This is it_ , Mikan thought as a heaviness settled in her chest. She felt it drop into the pit of her stomach, weighing down her movement. It wasn't just saying goodbye to this home that chipped away at her heart. It was leaving the people that she had to face with a smile, it was not seeing the people that she wanted to say goodbye to most, but couldn't. The two people that mattered the most. There was only so much strength she had left. Soon enough, it would be over.

Her memories would be gone and so would she.

Inhaling a sharp breath and closing her bedroom door behind her, Mikan blinked back the pooling tears and turned to leave. She'd only made it a few steps when she heard footsteps coming closer down the hall. Her instincts caused her to pause as the person rounded the corner. For some reason, even before the person showed his face, her heart breathed a sigh of relief.

When she saw who it was, the suitcase slipped from her hands and dropped onto the floor.

"Natsume?" she said, tears choking her voice.

It was him, though. It was definitely him. The unmistakable strength of his shoulders, the silkiness of his hair, the raw emotion that pooled in the scarlet of his eyes. There was no one else they could have belonged to. He seemed older almost, and all his wounds were gone.

" _Mikan_ ," he whispered in a reverent prayer. The relief at seeing him alive swarmed over her, overwhelming her senses, but it was different for him somehow. He looked as if he might cry, like looking at her was both painful and healing at the same time.

They staggered toward one another, then collapsed into each other's arms with a warm embrace. Mikan's legs crumbled from beneath her, but Natsume was there to gather her in his strong arms and lower her to her knees. Tears blocked her vision from seeing clearly, but she could feel him everywhere else. His arms were wrapped around her as strong as he could hold without hurting her. The sweet scent of burnt spices filled her nose as she breathed him in, and it reminded her days she wanted to hold onto forever. Holding him against her ached so sweetly, so wonderfully.

"You're alive, you're okay," Mikan mumbled into his neck, holding on as tightly as she could. "You came back to me. Oh Natsume, I was so worried."

One of his hands held her at her back, pressing her close to his chest, the other stroked her hair, smooth and soft. He could feel the wetness of her tears on his shoulder, and it made him feel his own tears prickling in the back of his throat.

"I told you I would come back to you."

Mikan leaned back, taking Natsume's face in her gentle hands and began to stroke his cheek with the back of her fingers. Tingles erupted beneath his skin at her touch, but he leaned into it, cherishing feeling of it.

"When I saw you lying there not breathing…" Mikan took a shaky breath. "Natsume, you were gone. I've never been so terrified before."

"Me too," he admitted, turning his head into her hand and pressing a kiss against her palm. Then, he dropped his forehead to hers, feeling her trembling breaths on his lips. "Mikan, I know what's going to happen today."

"You do?"

Natsume nodded.

"I came here from a few years in the future. The me from this time hasn't returned to the academy yet." Mikan's face dropped, her grip tightened on his shirt. "But I'm okay. I make it back and I get better."

"You act as though you're just seeing me for the first time since before it all happened."

He said nothing and Mikan bit back a sob. She tugged him back into her arms again, hand sliding through his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Natsume. I never wanted it to turn out like this."

"You're safe and that's the most important thing. If something had happened to you…" He nearly flinched at the thought.

"That's how it was for me this whole time," Mikan said, peering up at him with a teary smile. "But here you are, safe and alive with me right now. You were always looking out for me, weren't you? Even when I didn't know it, you were always with me."

Natsume nodded, hoping that the Mikan without her memories of him carried a bit of him in her heart too.

"I'd go with you today if I could. I'd follow you anywhere."

Mikan wanted it too. He could tell by the way she snuggled further into his arms and nuzzled closer against his neck. But there was something more, too.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

There was a moment of silence, then she sat back onto her haunches and reached for his hands. She pulled their joined hands up to her lips and pressed a long kiss to his knuckles, tears from her cheeks dripping onto his skin. Her hands around his trembled as she blew out a shaky breath.

"I'm so scared, Natsume," she admitted quietly. "I'm trying not to be, but I'm terrified."

Natsume lifted his palm to caress the side of her head, trying to knead away the tension that pooled in her eyes. It was exhausting to put on a constant show of strength for the sake of others. He knew better than anyone, and he wanted more for Mikan.

"I can't tell you much, but I can tell you that we will always be watching over you. I would never let anything happen to you, you can count on that. You may not be able to see us, but we'll always protect you. I will always protect you, just like I promised."

She smiled at that, a small, sad thing. Then she did something that surprised him. She leaned over and closed the distance between them. His arms were around her instantly as he dissolved into her kiss. Each sweep of her lips on his was tender and full of longing for more time. A sigh fell from her lips, and Natsume took advantage, stealing control and chasing his lips over hers. He kissed her and kissed her until she broke away to breathe.

"I love you, Natsume, and that will _never_ change," she said resolutely, gaze locked in his. "Do you believe me?" He nodded, blinking a few times to clear his vision.

"I believe you," he replied, then dropped his forehead to her shoulder. "I love you too. More than anything."

"We're going to be okay," Mikan said without a single doubt.

"We are," Natsume agreed. He just hoped he'd be okay without her until that day came. He would have to be, for her sake.

"Miss Sakura, are you almost ready?" a voice called from down the nearby staircase. The confidence in her expression disappeared, replaced by panic as she realized they couldn't stay here forever. She swiped at her face, furiously trying to brush aside her tears, but news ones dripped down in their place.

"Coming! I just need another minute," she called back. Natsume didn't have to be told what came next. He helped her to her feet, and placed her suitcase in her awaiting hand. The nerves in his body felt numb, and he begged time to stop, to give him more time, but time moved forward anyways.

Mikan stared up at him, unsure of what to say. He didn't know what to say, either. What words could ease her worries, soothe her pain, and express just how much her existence meant to him.

So instead he said, "This is it."

"Only for a little while, right?"

"Right." He hoped it wouldn't be a lie. Looking down at her, he saw the yearning in her expression, and for once, it was something he could give her. He lifted her chin, and placed one last kiss on her lips. He memorized what they tasted like - strawberry, and a bit salty from her tears - and the tenderness of the way she kissed him back without hesitation.

When she pulled away, her gaze lingered on his eyes before she said, "I'll always wait for you, Natsume." Just before she turned away, he grabbed her wrist.

"Never stop smiling, okay?"

Following his instructions, a warm grin lit her face. It was the kind she only saved for him, the ones he earned because of her love for him.

"You got it!"

Then she turned and headed toward the stairwell. Just before she was out of sight, she turned back and waved. Natsume's limbs were heavy, but he managed to lift his hand and give her a smile. As soon as she was gone, Natsume leaned against the wall and sunk to the ground. His head fell back against the wall, and he closed his eyes, her voice still ringing in his ears as loudly as if she had never left.

He sat there until he heard voices at the other end of the hallway, and then with a sigh of resignation, Natsume went home.

Tsubasa was still waiting for him when he got back, and Natsume was thankful when the shadow alice didn't comment on the fact that he probably looked like hell. The last traces of the time travel alice had disintegrated from his system, but fortunately he had made it back without causing some sort of global catastrophe.

"Well? How did it go?" Tsubasa asked cautiously. When Natsume didn't answer, glazed eyes still staring into his own thoughts, Tsubasa rose to his feet and placed a hand on his Natsume's shoulder. "Hey pal, are you alright?"

Instead of answering, Natsume lifted his own hand and covered Tsubasa's on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Tsubasa."


End file.
